HuffPost: Mom Returns to Work

• Nine-year record of middling functionality under extreme sleep deprivation
• Known to staff as a dedicated and seasoned emotional dumping ground
• Ornery multitasker

Senior Consultant, 2006 to 2014, ABCDEFG COMPANY

• Designed and created interactive infographic to measure performance of daily tasks and instituted intricate reward system based on sticker chart infographic completion
• Maintained and organized daily calendar including scheduling, planning and Kafkaesque carpool travel arrangements
• Negotiated favorable terms for procuring agreement to get dressed and out of the house
• Demonstrated proficiency in conflict resolution among staff using empty threats within a high-pressure environment
• Acquired extensive collection of yoga and pilates books, manuals and DVDs and later sold them, unopened, on eBay
• Assessed edibility of food items left uncovered for more than six hours, particularly mac ‘n’ cheese

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