10 Rejected ‘Sofia The First’ Plotlines
by Devorah Blachor
1. During a special Princess School flying derby match, Princess Sofia falls off her pony Minimus. She agrees to apply a plain, beige Bandaid to the booboo.
2. All of Princess Sofia’s underwear are in the laundry. Princess Amber worries they will be late for the Village Fair. When Prince James offers to lend Sofia a pair of his underpants, Sofia discovers they are blue! But, remembering how much Amber wants to go to the Fair, and mindful of the concept of time, Sofia says yes.
3. A witch has placed a hex on Sofia’s sippy cup and it has started to leak. After a musical number, Sofia volunteers to drink water from an old, grey sports bottle used by Fauna during her aerobicize years.
4. When all of Cedric’s magical powers fail to remove the bits of sparkly confetti from the palace floor, Sofia concedes that glitter must forevermore be banned from the Kingdom of Enchancia.
5. Sofia is confused about what it means to be a real princess. Belle, Cinderella, Jasmine, Ariel and Aurora make special guest appearances to help her through her Lebenskrise. When Sofia asks why Snow White has not come with them, the other Princesses all roll their eyes and whisper to one another, “What do you think? Should we tell her?”
6. On Sofia’s birthday, Cedric concocts a special pink elixir that causes everyone to feel fuzzy and laugh raucously whenever King Roland makes one of his “jokes”. However, the beverage causes Clover to behave in an irrational and erratic manner. Sofia wonders how such a sweet, cute, beautiful, adorable and gorgeous little being whom she loves to pieces can suddenly turn into the devil. Meanwhile, Flora, Fauna and Merryweather make plans to produce the drink in large quantities in the Trolls’ grotto.
7. Amber has fallen into a trance! Sofia discovers her zombielike, watching the image of hands with whimsically-painted fingernails opening jars of sparkling Play-Doh ® and fashioning them into after-party cocktail dresses. Sofia must break the spell before the Enchanted Feast of the Tri-Kingdom dinner. Amber finally snaps out of it when she is offered a cookie.
8. It’s Wassailia, a vague yet recognizable winter holiday that hopefully won’t offend anyone. Will Sofia find the perfect gift for Baileywick or will she spend countless hours jostling with other Enchancia shoppers, sweaty and depleted, battling for the last glitter glider magic clip doll? Some princess you’ve sort of heard of makes a special appearance in this memorable holiday special.
9. Inspired by her amulet, Sofia makes yoghurt pops which color everything, including her skin, electric purple. The Flying Pageant will start soon and Sofia is running out of time. Baileywick tells her to “Make it Work”.
10. Sofia’s vanity set – which includes a comb, brush, hand mirror and lip gloss – is lost. Clover tries to find it but slips on the AquaDoodle Draw N’ Doodle mat before sliding across the magnetic memo board only to trip on the talking tea party set as the reflection refracted by the snowglobe tumbler with the matching spiral straw blinds him. Finally, he lands on a sharp tiara and Sofia understands that Cedric has put a hex on her. In order to break the curse, Sofia must give-up her exorbitantly-priced nighttime pull-ups so that her mother Miranda can start saving to buy the pair of Enzo Angiolini bronze peep-toe pumps that will give her life meaning.
A version of this essay appeared on Mommyish.com